AN: Hey, mama. How’s it going?
WN: [breathing heavy] Just getting home from yoga. It’s Wednesday, you know I have a class. Did you make it back to Los Angeles in one piece?
AN: Yes, ma, I ma-
WN: Were you very ill after the show?
AN: [heavy sigh] Can you not interrupt me? My fucking God, mo-
WN: Excuse me, Ashley Matthew, you will not take the Lord’s name in vain and you will absolutely not speak to me like that. Please apologize.
AN: Fine. Sorry, I didn’t mean it.
WN: [tsks gently] You never do. Thank you for apologizing.
WN: Is something the matter? I understand that you are a cancer and you are horribly sensitive, Ashley, but usually you are not quite so… snippy with me.
AN: Not… the matter. That isn’t right. You’ve got a second, right?
WN: Of course. I’ve set my mat down and I am ready to be fully present.
WN: Am I going to need to go to confession after this? Have you done something truly atrocious? You never call me when you’re upset, you always call Spencer first and she is a horrible gossip, you know this, and she always tells Warren and me before you even get a chance to open your mouth.
AN: I… I don’t think you’re going to need to go to church, mom. I mean, I don’t know your relationship with God bu-
WN: Well, you would if you ever came to mass.
AN: What did I say about interrupting?
AN: No, mother, I don’ think you’re going to need to go to church. I might. But you don’t.
WN: Oh no. Are you going to rehab? Is that what this is? I know your drinking is a problem but I don’t think you’re quite that bad. Oh, Ashley. Your father would be so disappointed.
AN: [clears throat] No, Winifred. I’m not going to fucking rehab and you don’t need to bring dad into this. Can you just let me fucking finish?
WN: You are horribly moody today, you know.
AN: [exasperated exhale]
WN: Ashley… is it bad? What have you done?