WN: Hello?

AN: Hey, mama. How’s it going?

WN: [breathing heavy] Just getting home from yoga. It’s Wednesday, you know I have a class. Did you make it back to Los Angeles in one piece?

AN: Yes, ma, I ma-

WN: Were you very ill after the show?

AN: [heavy sigh] Can you not interrupt me? My fucking God, mo-

WN: Excuse me, Ashley Matthew, you will not take the Lord’s name in vain and you will absolutely not speak to me like that. Please apologize.

[long pause]

AN: Fine. Sorry, I didn’t mean it.

WN: [tsks gently] You never do. Thank you for apologizing.

[pause]

WN: Is something the matter? I understand that you are a cancer and you are horribly sensitive, Ashley, but usually you are not quite so… snippy with me.

AN: Not… the matter. That isn’t right. You’ve got a second, right?

WN: Of course. I’ve set my mat down and I am ready to be fully present.

AN: [laughs]

WN: Am I going to need to go to confession after this? Have you done something truly atrocious? You never call me when you’re upset, you always call Spencer first and she is a horrible gossip, you know this, and she always tells Warren and me before you even get a chance to open your mouth.

AN: I… I don’t think you’re going to need to go to church, mom. I mean, I don’t know your relationship with God bu-

WN: Well, you would if you ever came to mass.

AN: What did I say about interrupting?

WN: Sorry.

AN: No, mother, I don’ think you’re going to need to go to church. I might. But you don’t.

WN: Oh no. Are you going to rehab? Is that what this is? I know your drinking is a problem but I don’t think you’re quite that bad. Oh, Ashley. Your father would be so disappointed.

AN: [clears throat] No, Winifred. I’m not going to fucking rehab and you don’t need to bring dad into this. Can you just let me fucking finish?

WN: You are horribly moody today, you know.

AN: [exasperated exhale]

WN: Ashley… is it bad? What have you done?